My 88 year old father-in-law was diagnosed with vascular dementia in 2014. According to the gerontologist, his condition was likely caused by one, if not several, previously incurred strokes; the symptoms of which had gone undetected for quite some time. The physical, cognitive, and emotional challenges stemming for his condition are, for the most part, severe in nature.

He requires constant care and supervision. For the past few months, he was being cared for by my sister-in-law and her family in Vancouver, British Columbia. But, she is now caring for my 87 year old mother-in-law, who was recently diagnosed with a large pancreatic tumour. The CT scan results, of whether it's benign or malignant, are pending (but that’s another story).

As a family (all extensions included), we’ve chosen to care for them at home rather than place them in a nursing care facility – at least for now. To relieve some of the strain on my sister-in-law – of having both of them live with her – my husband and I suggested my father-in-law live with us in Calgary, Alberta over the summer.

As the saying goes, we have two seasons in Alberta: winter and July! By late fall, Calgary’s temperature typically falls below freezing and rarely peeks its head much above that point until springtime. The city can be blanketed in ice and snow for just as long. The cold weather, combined with the icy ground cover makes it a challenge for most Calgarians to get around, let alone for those who have physical limitations. In contrast, Vancouver’s more temperate weather, while chilly in the winter, is spared the harsh, snowy conditions. So, we thought that if my father-in-law was going to temporarily relocate to Calgary, it would be best to do so during the warmer months.

This summertime, living arrangement turned out to be a very good idea, as he, accompanied by my sister-in-law, landed at Calgary International Airport on April 1, loaded with luggage constituting more mobility devices – wheelchair, wheeled walker, A-framed walker, quad cane, and an electric bathtub hoist – than clothes for him to wear. Gathering the load of equipment from the luggage carousel reminded me of the trips my husband and I took with our infant and toddler-aged children. No matter how long the distance or time away from home, we still required the basics – fully loaded diaper bag, bottles and milk formula, baby food, portable crib, stroller (first a single then a double) – to name but a few of the essentials.

We have since added to my father-in-law’s list of geriatric iron wear. Two of our bathrooms resemble those you’d find in a nursing home, and I have difficulty parking in our garage without fear of driving over his wheelchair or wheeled walker. Despite this, I don’t see his stay with us as burdensome on our family lifestyle.

First, my father-in-law has fit in quite well to our already routinized care of our son with Down syndrome-Autism. We were already using an “all hands on deck” approach to his care provided by me, my husband, our eldest daughter and youngest son, and a professional caregiver. So, with the inclusion of my father-in-law, our team of five has simply changed its defense from man-to-man to zone coverage.

Second, my mother-in-law is financially reimbursing us the cost for such things as hiring a part-time caregiver, his room and board, and for the time I am losing from work. While I’ve learned from caring for our son that money alone won’t make a difference, it does help!

But the most important factor of all that eases the burden of care for my father-in-law is the deep love I have for him. Over the last few decades, he and my mother-in-law have been so generous to us, and in so many ways, that I see caring for him in our home as our way of giving back.

Don’t get me wrong, caring for a loved-one with a severe disability is hard work -- physically and emotionally. However, I have found that by taking a compassionate perspective to this care, I am better able to cope. Over the next few blogs, I will delve into the challenges we face caring for my father-in-law with vascular dementia.